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I was lucky enough to be raised by a pro-Black mother who affirmed the beauty and brilliance of my Blackness.
But even so, the mainstream media still promotes Eurocentric beauty standards that we, in turn, accept as common sense.
After 26 years as a Black queer man and two separate 2.5-year relationships with white men, 2015 is the year I have decided to stop dating white men indefinitely.
While my personal decision not to date white men is the direct result of dating white men, the decision is rooted less in my experience with the individuals I dated and more in my experience with society.
But despite our male privilege, the intersection of our Blackness and queerness exists in a society that privileges heterosexuality.
And finally, we live in a world that provides white people with privilege while constantly affirming their whiteness at the cost of Blackness.
We live in a white supremacist society that promotes a racialized and gendered hierarchy.
So, as Black queer men, we have male privilege that largely provides us with protection from things like the gender-based violence women face every day.
Mainstream media depictions of gay life like Will & Grace left out my narrative, yet I faithfully watched because it made me feel less alone.
Porn, on the other hand, included Black men, but only as the trope of the ‘Black brute’ or ‘thug’ with the “Big Black Cock (BBC).” I remember wondering if I was a twink because of my small size or an otter because of my body hair, only later realizing that porn categorized me “Ebony.” This is symbolic of larger issues within the LGBTQ movement that ignores the intersectional identity of being a Black gay man.
Hearing how I decry respectability politics and seek to dismantle white supremacy, many people wonder how I began dating white men in the first place.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating