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A simple, “Just thought I’d swing by and surprise you for lunch,” can be a wee bit awkward if you’ve already got a lunch date with someone else.You met a great girl at a café and she told you she’s free this Thursday. Except…you agreed with your primary partner that Thursday was their day to ensure your quality time.
That, however, is like saying that stealing is a type of trade.
While cheating does indeed exist and the people who cheat may declare themselves non- monogamous, it is not a relationship style in and of itself, but instead a clear breach of monogamy and/or non-monogamy depending on what style is being practiced by the parties involved and what agreements have been put in place.
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Do not be fooled into believing that the option to love and be loved by more than one human makes non-monogamy easy. Perhaps the parties involved agree that the monogamous partner will continue to practice monogamy while the non-monogamous partner is free to practice a form of non- monogamy.
It may feel like a more natural state of being, but nevertheless, as with all interpersonal relationships, hard work is not only expected but required. Example: I dated a man who was monogamous by nature, and was so with me, but was comfortable with my having a girlfriend in addition to our relationship, even though my relationship with her did not involve him [read: no threesomes.] On the other hand, perhaps the parties involved will form a compromise that looks more like one partner converting over to the other’s way of being.
But scheduling is not even the most intense challenge that people who chose to practice non-monogamy find themselves faced with.
The biggest challenge non-monogamous folks face is rather monstrous, in fact. Jealousy Some may think that if you choose to be non-monogamous, it must mean you don’t get jealous.
You won’t love or sleep with anyone else, and neither will I. Once possession is removed, the love between two or more people is no longer defined by what they will not do with others, but by what they actually feel and have together.
You are not being asked simply to trust that your partner will obey your mutually established rules, but instead to trust in your mutually established love.
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