Should an introvert dating an introvert
"Some anxious introverts swear by attending an event, like a reading or a comedy show, because it provides a built-in topic of discussion afterwards," says Dr. Whatever it is, just make sure it's something that'll make you feel comfortable.3. If your day-to-day look is a sweater and jeans, you'll probably want to forego statement lipstick and an open-back dress even if you think it comes off as more confident. "Think of the cardinal rule of comedy improv: 'yes, and.' Listen to whatever is being said, and then riff off of it." And if you're the only one doing the legwork (it'll be pretty obvious if they're giving you nothing to work with) – then your date just sucks and you can close out your tab in peace. "Anxiety is driven by uncertainty, so if you have a flexible exit plan, you'll feel more confident," says Dr. And if you're afraid of feeling the pressure to stay out really late (even if the date is good), you can plan something between events, or during the day.
If you're focusing on how abnormal you feel, it only ups the pressure."It’s the same as a job interview – you don’t want to wear a brand new outfit and not know if it’s too tight or too short," says Dr. "Wear something you had good experiences with before and feel good about – and is appropriate for the occasion."4. If you're extra worried about running out of things to talk about, Dr. "You can find out a little bit about the person ahead of time and have topics that won’t run into dead-ends."Be real: if you found this person on an app, you probably scoped out their Instagram anyway. "It’s good to have a definite time you need it to be over with," says Dr. "If you go on a Saturday afternoon date, there’s no commitment then to what happens next." 7. If you've gone on a handful of dates and they've all been stilted and painful to get through, it might be good to reevaluate your own behavior on dates. Figure out if you have actually have social anxiety, not just introversion.
Since that never happens to me (and because it made me feel like a bouncy, shiny-haired cheerleader for the first time ever), I pushed myself to accept all the offers. If awful dates, which your friends seem to be able to turn into funny anecdotes on a dime, seem catastrophic to you, that’s okay too. And while we’re on the subject of dating fears, it’s okay if you want to cancel.
Should an introvert dating an introvert
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There’s a problem with the one-size-fits-all wisdom commonly intoned during dating discussions (“Just put yourself out there! After jumping through the hoops of answering questions such as “where are you from? ” one too many times, you start feeling that dates are no longer probable sources of a deep, meaningful relationship, but rather deep, dark pits of despair. You tend to be sucked of all your energy as if you’ve been set upon by a Harry Potter dementor. Don’t feel the need to go into some long, drawn-out explanation either.
Because, as introverts, we often derive our energy from solitude and quiet contemplation in which to process life’s events, we have only so much social goodwill to go around. Just simply state that you need to reschedule, and offer an alternative date, time, and place. I’m going to pass along the best piece of advice my old therapist ever gave me.
"If you had a couple of bad experiences with apps, you’re going to be even more nervous about it," says Dr. "If you don’t like an online app and you don’t want to go out, it’s going to make tough and put more pressure on you."So how do you meet people sans apps?
There's scoping out people at a party or joining a club, which also means pushing yourself out of your comfort zone (but hey, at least you'll better know if you mesh well with someone off the bat). "I think meeting people through mutual friends is an excellent strategy," says Dr. "They're already vetted, known entities, plus you have built-in commonalities to talk about." In any case, being a homebody doesn't mean apps are the most approachable way to date. Compromise on going out with your partner sometimes.
I like to drop little hints throughout my online profile about how much I value my quiet time; this roots out any suitors prowling for a party girl.
I mention that I tend to spend many hours reading and that I like book recommendations.You could find someone to sit across from at the breakfast table while reading your own newspapers, Kindles, novels, or whatever.And proximity without talking is THE DREAM, you guys. And yes, dates are the necessary vehicle that will get you to this connection.To every introvert, the act of finding a significant other means doing the opposite of what you love most – blowing through another Netflix murder mystery series in fleece-lined sweatpants.But if you actually want a partner-in-crime-docs, it means the dreaded Putting Yourself Out There.No harm in turning some of those hiking pics from seven weeks ago into first-date-question gold! Ask 'yes, and' questions."Steer clear of closed-ended interview questions that can be answered in one word, like 'Where are you from? "If you’re insecure about your social skills, you could get feedback from close friends and find out how you’re coming across," says Dr. Introversion is a personality trait and preference – it doesn't automatically make you shy or awkward.Tags: Adult Dating, affair dating, sex dating