Dating video goes wrong beth stolarczyk dating

They were engaging and charismatic, extremely smart and articulate. Sometime around Christmas, five months into my Year Without Dating, I realized what a relationship was supposed to be.

They also had an inability to care about someone for any length of time, or emotionally engage with a relationship in a healthy manner. For years, I’d been under the false assumption that this was “my type.” Must be. Only after taking inventory did I recognize that I had agency in that decision. So after months of trying to reorient myself, I finally asked my oldest friend for help. He has seen me through my ultra-nerdy high school years, and has watched me attempt to date for the entirety of my adulthood. ” I asked him one night during a heart-to-heart about dating, covering both his habits and mine. “Super-outgoing and friendly is what I imagine for you—and that’s huge, because I feel like you don’t go for outgoing people,” he said of my brooding M. I’d made mostly new friends since the spring—the breakup and a depleted post-grad friend group had required it.

These men would retreat often, pushing me away, before returning with more promises about the kind of guy they were, sprinkling pretty words all over my tattered heart. Only I defined and chose my type, my type did not choose me, and I had the power to turn the tides. It also dawned on me that I hadn’t been called upon to “solve” any of their problems.

I remember it hurt; I don’t remember all the details. He was a fantastic liar, always changing his story so smoothly.

I recall a series of ups and downs, in which I felt completely inadequate as a relationship partner. He always made me believe in his intentions, before retracting his words and making me feel crazy for believing his previous sentiments would hold weight.

I observed the many men who passed through my life, from family members to guy friends, friends’ boyfriends to work acquaintances.

I have noted every time my dad gets the car door for my mom, 30 years into their marriage.

I nodded along to his stories as I took bites of my pasta, methodically peppering him with questions while revealing very little about myself.

Although I was technically there, I couldn’t force myself to actually show up for that date.They were deep and perplexing, enticing since I loved a challenge.They were confident enough to break through my walls of busyness and fear, but their cocky attitudes eventually gave way to their deeply-rooted insecurities. I don’t see you with a smooth-talker, more of a legitimately good person.”I went to bed thinking about what he said, letting those seeds start to take root. Of course I wanted someone “good.” But did I actually look for that in practice, or just seek out recovering bad boys that I could rehabilitate toward some kind of “good-ish” end?I was sitting at the prettiest date restaurant, out with a guy I’d met several days before at a mixer.He was sweet and upbeat, talkative and seemingly driven.It’s easy to get sucked in by articulate charmers, especially if you have somewhat of a “fix it” or savior complex; Even after the breakup, you want to see true change in the person. When I’d kindly but firmly decline his invitation for dinner or coffee, as I always did, he’d find ways to press buttons that made me hurt all over again.

Tags: , ,